A rose is...

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

kay knudsen

love is missing someone
whenever u're apart
but somehow
feeling warm inside
becos u're close in heart

princezzD remembered on 5:07 PM.
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Monday, July 30, 2007

counting down....

i do not know why, but i feel uneasy if i do not update my blog.... feels like, my work is incomplete....

continue from the day that my SIL got engage, Sunday's even ran smoothly, thou' there was a lil commotion between hubby n i.... lets put it aside, as it been quite sometime already... was extremely tired on that day.... the moment we woke up, prepare the kids, arrange the chairs and tables, went to get the necessary stuffs which was still not bought, and, a rush time in choosing a blouse for myself on that day at Tamp Mall.... and finally, settled down at 3.30pm.... where i was unable to witness the engagement period....

we went home at almost 10pm that nite...

on the 24th July, a coord trip to Bukit Candu was organised for my division.... very educational i would say, and the canopy walk that links to Kent Ridge Park was enjoyable.... the only thing that lacks in the coord trip is lack of coordination, most of us split into small groups and walk on our own....

last saturday, hubby got tixs for his family day to the zoo... we did not spent hours there as half of our morning, hubby spent on sending our car for inspection and renewing the insurance and road tax, so, the moment we reached zoo it was around 2pm, an hour and a half there, we left and meet up with my sis, to go to WildWildWet, as i got the tixs to be utilised till end of this month... we spent another an hour and a half there too before we head to my sis place for Maghrib prayers.....

Sis suggested we go for makan, and i suggest she treats us for it as tixs was on me... so, its set..... we had our dinner of ikan pari, kangkong (i think, since i dun take veg), sup kambing, tahu telur, rojak bandung, carrot cake, nasi ayam for the kiddos and cheng teng for both my sis and i.... yumyum....

the thoughts to do my revision was collapsed once i'm home and even on sunday.... spent the rest of the afternoon on Sunday, completing my novel.... hehe... was telling hubby, now i could start concentrating on my revision, since i've finished reading my book, however, at 8pm, we drove out to Lot1 to return my Oakley glasses as promised, and went down to West Mall to change our SCV box.... and once again, no revision.... timecheck, 4 more days....

princezzD remembered on 3:40 PM.
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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

i need some sleep.....

been a very tiring weekends for me.....
2 days in a row of mass revision last week, thurs n friday.... Stats and OB, however, friday nite was not hura2 nite for me, instead, after reaching home at almost 11pm, took some rest, before doing the engagement gifts for both my sista-in law and my cuzzie..... was all alone doing the arrangements until almost 3.45am.... all cleared, fully satisfied, and snuggle into my comforter at 4am. woke up at 8am. did the ketupat ribbons to decor the basket handle, sent Didi for her Whizz class, went to Sheng Shiong to get some fruits to add in to the gifts, grab more chocs, head down to Causeway Point, for a last minute shop for the engagement gifts, picked Didi up from school at 2pm..... and head home straight... my eyes are half-open by then, and i finally dozed off for seconds in the car....
once home, a final touch up to the gifts, arrangement of the fruit basket was finalised...
At 6pm, we left home to be at my cuzzie's place....
My sister n i did Mehendi on my cuzzie hand, however, her Mehendi wasnt very dark, probably its becos she had kept it for too long....
finally proceed to MIL place for a night stay..... i didnt get to sleep early too that now, thou' my sister-in law do realise and commented on my eyes which are getting smaller.... MIL & FIL had asked us to tag along to Geylang as MIL wanted to buy FRUITS..... ya, and by the time, she's done, we reached home at almost midnite.... and tts not it, i'm still not able to get some sleep as my sista-in law frens were around.... my MIL was preparing the fruits arragement, glazing the fruits wz oil so as to make it look shiny.... but when it comes to arranging, i realise there is lack of skills.... so yours truly, came to the rescue (in my mind, i was saying, i better help, so that once its done, this kids can go home, and i can get my sleep quick).... yup, and i did the arrangements with my creativity.... and true enuff, 15mins later, they left... and time check 2am....
okay, i'm gonna stop the entry here.... will continue Sunday event on my next free time....

princezzD remembered on 1:00 PM.
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Friday, July 20, 2007

i wrote this poem when i was at East Coast the other day.... (sori leo, this time no translation)

apakah sebenarnya yang ku cari dalam hidupku?
apakah impianku yang sebenarnya?
adakah kebahagiaan berpihak pada diriku,
atau kesepian yang menyelubungi diri ini.

terasa diri ini dalam keresahan,
terasa diri ini dalam keraguan,
apa sebenarnya yang membuat diriku begini,
adakah ianya berpunca dari diri sendiri.

betapa kucuba untuk menepis segala onar dan duri
namun ku tetap didampingi dengan pelbagai pancaroba
ku tabah dan pasrah dengan ketentuan ini,
malah ku tetap tampil dalam keceriaan.

keceriaan yang kumiliki disalah erti,
kuditempelak oleh pelbagai prajudis,
diri ku ini berteka-teki sendiri,
apakah keceriaanku ini membuahkan rasa jengkel pada seseorang.

adakah ianya adil ataupun tidak,
bukanlah untuk diri ini untuk mengadilinya,
kuserahkan pada mata yang mengekori,
namun ku pasti, keikhlasan ada pada diri ini....

.......aku ingin engkau selalu hadir dan temani aku, disetiap langkah yang menyebelahiku,
kau tercipta untukku, pasti waktu akan bantu, memanggil seluruh ragaku,
ku ingin engkau tahu, kau selalu milikku, yang mencintaimu sepanjang hidupku.......

princezzD remembered on 12:58 PM.
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ATAS NAMA CINTA - ROSSA

aku wanita yang punya cinta dihati
dan dirimu dan dirinya dalam hidupku
mengapa terlambat cintamu telah kumiliki
sedang diriku dengan dia tak bergitu cinta

mengapa yang lain bisa
mendua dengan mudahnya
namun kita terbelenggu dalam ikatan tanpa cinta

atas nama cinta...
hati ini tak mungkin terbagi
sampai nanti bila aku mati
cinta ini hanya untuk engkau

atas nama cinta...
kurelakan jalanku merana
asal engkau akhirnya denganku
ku bersumpah atas nama cinta

mengapa yang lain bisa
mendua dengan mudahnya
namun kita terbelenggu dalam ikatan tanpa cinta

atas nama cinta...
hati ini tak mungkin terbagi
sampai nanti bila aku mati
cinta ini hanya untuk engkau

atas nama cinta...
kurelakan jalanku merana
asal engkau akhirnya denganku
ku bersumpah atas nama cinta

atas nama cinta...
kurelakan jalanku merana
asal engkau akhirnya denganku
ku bersumpah atas nama cinta

princezzD remembered on 10:50 AM.
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FOCUS...

I really need to focus... my level of confidence is decreasing rapidly.... mind is fully taken up with unnecessary shits.... counting down 15 days (today inclusive) more to my organizational behavior paper.... i do not know which to start first... OB, stats, or HRM....

work proposal dateline is in a weeks time.... despite a rejection to a previous proposal, i'm trying to see if it could be re-consider, looking at the aspects of the manhours needed to cover all 360 schools against a one time charge to create a database.... else, to the needs of mail-merge, enhancing the current database, so as to minimize time needed to the charge back of GEMS and MyEdumail2....

i'm totally worn out, mentally and physically.... i really feels like running away from all this stress... due to all these disturbances, i feels like i'm a totally different person, either, i absorb all the nonsense attacking from all areas with patience, tolerance and ignorance to it, or i simply blew it up... how does it feels, if i were to keep silence... like a dummy.... enduring the pressure, i bet, my life will be cut short... which i think it would be better.... less sins to handle...

sorry gerlfrens, i'm just not myself... just letting out the 'clots' stuck in my heart and mind...

princezzD remembered on 9:49 AM.
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

MISSING....

lately, i really feels that i missed my baby gorilla very much... thou' he's there, i dont understand why i'm feeling this way....

the gorilla hug is the one thing that i really miss very much...

2 colleagues of mine yesterday, noticed the panda eyes of mine... ya, i'm beginning to have dark rings... i wonder when it develops, i only noticed them yesterday too... and that 'L'(azy) disease of mine, happened again when i knock off from work yest. yup, again i took the cab down to Lot1 to collect my Oakley glassess..... i'm still not satisfied with the workmanship. i saw lil scratches on the inner part of my frame AGAIN... this time i told the guy who attended to me, "i dont think i deserve this kind of workmanship, after spending so much for my glassess, i hope you understand"... he suggested that they will get a new frame for me, and meanwhile, i can hold on to the current one, while the stock comes in... i agreed to it....

i have been extremely exhausted, the engagement gifts is still waiting for me to finish it up...

the exam notes too has been calling out to me to start....

arrrghhhh.... and yet, my mind is looking out for the 3rd of Aug... i'm planning to go to KL, right after my OB exam, at the same time, celebrating baby gorilla's birthday... isnt that fun, it'll be just the two of us... despite 2 more papers to clear, after the OB exam, i'm still looking out for adventure...

my mind hasnt been straight lately... haha....

Didi's P1 registration will be end of this month... i'm really excited about enrolling her to the school of my choice... of course, she cant decide right... if her 'rezeki' (luck) is there, i hope she could enter De LaSalle... i realy hope so... else, it'll be the neighbouring ones... i'm still deciding if i should consider Beacon Primary (a new pri sch) somewhere in Bt Panjang... 2008 students shall be the shool's first batch... therefore, usually, focus will be more on them... but hubby said, it's a lil too far...

finally, i will be able to watch Anugerah tonight... yeah...

but, sob* sob* i will have class tomorrow and the day after ;'(

princezzD remembered on 2:42 PM.
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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

FINALLY

i break the curse of being lazy.... i took the train today... bravo!!
was still trying to decide if i should take the cab when i left my house, but, finally, i'm back to my senses.... dun waste my cash... haha....
hmm, planning to collect my Oakley glasses after work... received a call from the optical shop last nite when my class was about to start...

reached home pretty late too last nite, the moment i stepped into my house, the clock shows 2315.... stats class ended late close to 2215, i felt the lesson yesterday is really helpful... as the lecturer went through the past year exam question..
when i got home, after changing, i actually tried to recall the question he did in class, attempted the first question till midnite, before deciding to read my new novel....

princezzD remembered on 9:48 AM.
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Monday, July 16, 2007

class on monday

i'm taking a break from work today.... there will be statistic class tonite, been trying to attempt the questions last saturday n yesterday... gosh! it took me close to half an hour juz to do one question.
last saturday, after sending Didi for her Whizz class, i went down to Civic Centre library to work on assessment, an hour there, is worth the time spent... at around 1.30pm i left, to pick Didi up...
after that, we turn back to Civic centre again, to have our lunch... went to Causeway Point, and there i saw my primary school gerlfren, Azmah... she was surprised that i could recognise her... brought didi to popular bookstore, before waiting for hubby at the taxi stand to go to JB....
we were lucky that to and fro JB, we were not caught in the jam... we bought our monthly groceries, and i managed to grab 2 books....
nothing much was done yesterday, apart from preparing the engagement gifts of both my cousin and sista-in law.... picked didi up to and fro her Andalus class.... went to my aunt place to pass her some cash while waiting for hubby to reach wdlands.
juz a short update for now... gotto look into my assignment back, else, probably leave the difficult ones out..heheh...

princezzD remembered on 2:22 PM.
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Friday, July 13, 2007

she broke my Oakley glasses

the salesgirl.... i was so damned pissed with her yesterday... i travelled all the way down from MOEHQ to Tamp to collect my Oakley glasses.... after trying it on, i realised, its a lil loosen, so, i told her to tighten it up a lil... she did, and suddenly the frame just gave way... she kept quiet, assuming that i did not notice, try to screw it back, and showed it to me as if nothing happened...

when i held on to my glasses, i asked, "so, what actually happened? i saw the frame gave way"... her reply was, "the screw was not screwed tightly...." soon after that, she got screwed by me....

i told her, if u were to ask me, i think u were the one who cause the damage, while trying to tighten the frame, u pressed on the tool too hard and almost broke it... and i even showed her the scratches she made on my frame.... damn... in my heart i was saying, i paid $600++ for my glasses, and within seconds she broke it... then, i told her, the screw was not even lying evenly, she told me its the workmanship, and suggest she return it back........ gong right, of course, got to return lah, dun tell me i am going to accept the disability of my glasses after paying it full...

to make things more difficult for her, i told her, i need it by this saturday, reason, i need my glasses urgently as i'm going on a overseas trip and my contact lenses that i'm wearing is of a different degrees with my glasses, and will not be back until two weeks... u noe why i lied, cos' she told me it will take another 1 week for it to be ready... she made calls to other outlets, and came back to me by saying Lot 1 outlet do not have the glasses that i purchase, whereas the one at Bukit Panjang, did not answer her calls...

i take a look at her, and told her, get it ready within a week, send it down to Lot1, and give me a call....

thanks to her, the anguish that i felt, i ended up spending on my kiddos clothing.... tamp metro is having a 50% slash on their items, still, i paid quite a lot on it... hubby couldnt say much...

been extremely lazy these few weeks to travel to work... been flagging the cab....dun even wish to think how much i had given to the taxi drivers.... how i wish i could drive my car to work...

2days back, after hubby final soccer match he picked me up at work... i was about to go in the passenger seat, when he signalled me to drive instead... me on the other hand, was a lil reluctant, as, for unfamiliar roads, i wud rather not drive, but looking at his condition of having muscle cramps on his back, i hadnt got any choice... so, i drove, hubby finally commented on my driving skills, he said, i am of no difference like him too while driving, a risk driver... but i told him at least i dun keep close to the vehicle infront of me, but its probably just the speed that i'm having... picked my Mum up and the kids, as she wanted to visit the doctor for her cough n flu... i pushed hubby to do a check too, for his cramp.... As i was driving, i heard Mum saying, "pelan2 sikit Dik, kereta nye bunyi mcm lorry... dah antar service belum..." (translate: slow down a lil gerl, the car sounds lyke a lorry, have you sent it for servicing?) i was laughing with hubby, i told her it's the sound of the exhaust, wait until we change the sound into an aeroplane ;-) hahaha....

princezzD remembered on 11:28 AM.
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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

updates....

i tot i had regain my lively self back, BUT, suddenly, i'm all down again.....

alrite, lets start with last Friday, 6th july, instead of going for class, Chinta n i head down to Cash Box, Apollo centre for a 3hrs of karaoke.... we sang like a "professional" singer, laugh here n there, controlling each others' bladder, (however, she gave up first)... and finally headed home. Her fiance picked her up, whereas i took a cab home. once home, i'm all restless in the mind again... asked hubby to buy me Nasi Ayam Penyet, as i was damn hungry, and had my dinner at 1.30am..... before preparing the kids necessities for the Malacca trip. I guessed i fell asleep at almost 3am, and woke u at 5.45am.... hubby n i still not on a very good term at this point of time....

Malacca - depart from CCK at 7.15am.......... it was a rush trip i felt, as time spent at Mahkota Parade was only 1.5hrs, where, i didnt have a proper shopping spree... managed to persuade hubby to buy his shoe, and i got one for myself too... whereas the kids, NONE! it was our 3rd stop actually at Mahkota Parade, our first stop was at Honey Factory, then, we had our lunch at Umbi.... and after tt, from MP, we went to this bazaar, which is not so interesting place to shop. Afterwhich, we continue our trip down to Ayer Hitam... and i did not leave the bus like the others, as my kids, are soundly asleep... by this time, hubby n is already on good term.... on our way to the causeway, a short moment of our time, he expressed his feelings, which i felt so guilty, (sori, i cant reveal what was being said)..... we reached home at almost midnite, after which, we sent our aunt home at Clementi....

Sunday, my long-term friend finally settled down, Affandi aka, kipas angin.... a name which only me who called him since our friendship develops... picked droolz up at Tiong Bahru plaza, and thanks buddy for getting his wedding card for me... we managed to meet up with Fandi, and took pics with him... (will upload the pics when i have some time ok)

Then, i sent Didi for her Andalus class, and droolz to where her hubby is doing his DJ entertainment.

Head down to Woodlands for another wedding..... and at 3pm we left the place to fetch Didi back...

Once home, checked on Didi's homework, and hubby then initiate to go to Causeway Point... book tixs for Die Hard 4, 7.30pm show. thou' i was pretty tired, but the thoughts of going out, cheer me up... hehe... both kids tagged along, as mum was not feeling too well, probably she's tired with the outings...

before the show, we surveyed on my glasses, there is this one OAKLEY glasses, which was so damn attractive, but due to the time constraint, we left the shop....

great show, really enjoy the movie very much, lil aniqah fell asleep first, and didi fell asleep shortly too...

Yesterday, hubby sent me to work, as his on 2days reservists, knocked off from work at 6pm and head down to Tamp where i watched hubby played soccer... the plan was, to go for groceries shopping, but since my tummy began its drum beats, i suggested to have BK at Tamp before going to Sheng Shiong.... BUT we were not able to make it to SS, reason, look around Isetan, grab a pair of flower earings and a flower hairclip, then, bought lil' aniqah's Duphalac, as she is having her constipation again, and finally, deciding on an OAKLEY glasses which finally is owned by me... yeah..... i was so surprise that my glasses degrees rose up from 325 to 375 for my left eye... and my right eye, maintains at 300... awww... now i will have prob getting my contact lenses later....

Today, Chinta broke the news to me, regards to the bridesmaid thingy... i'm very much hut, not due to her decision, i really understands the position she's in, but the hurt is more towards, the incapability of my hubby in trying to understand the whole situation.... i am not blaming anyone, and i'm very sure of this feeling of mine, its juz that, i'm saddened with the fact that, hubby couldnt be open-minded for this whole ceremony... guess, i really owe Chinta a big apology for the unforseen circumstances... i will of course be around during her solemnisation ceremony...

hasnt had the mood for classes lately, really dun have the motivation... lectures will end by next week, by then, need to prepare for the exams, and the thoughts of not being able to absorb the lecture proper is another heartache...

princezzD remembered on 2:40 PM.
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"what about now"

"What About Now" by Daughtry

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?
Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

i've extracted this from salihin's blog... do not know how the song goes, but i kindda like the lyrics

princezzD remembered on 11:31 AM.
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Friday, July 06, 2007

half a day gone by...

yup......... half of the day passed, and i stil cant get over it.... i wonder how can i face my gerlfren tonight... without feeling guilty....

what's exactly is spinning in my mind??? i didnt even have the motivation to go for class... ya, let alone for my Malacca trip tomorrow... how i wish now.... i could get back home, drive my car out to anywhere peaceful..... should i??? or probably go for a movie... why not right??? but will all those outings work??? i'll probably be able to let it off my mind for that moment but it'll still come back to me at the end of the day....

aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

princezzD remembered on 12:05 PM.
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what went wrong???

i feel damn f****** shitty this morning. i bet the slightest wrong usage of words or tone used gonna caused a damn f****** disaster... and i'm serious...
thanks to truly yours own personal probs, i had to drag others into it... n the others that i'm referring to is actually my own buddy, who is gonna have her big day coming.... n i'm actually the one who is gonna ruin her well-planned wedding....totally not in a good state of mind to write about what happen....
its simply not me this morning.... colleagues are passing by my workstation without uttering a word, probably the f***** look on my face... DAMNED!!

princezzD remembered on 8:49 AM.
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Thursday, July 05, 2007

no trust... fine....

i simply dun understand..... i've given up.... i think my patience is already at its upmost level..... it can no longer hold on anymore..... since u dun have the trust in me, tats ur own prob.. u created it... u created the uncertainty in this relationship... dun blame me for the distress that u're facing...

princezzD remembered on 4:01 PM.
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